My heart is racing my mind
And both are fighting toward the finish line for the grand prize - the right to make decisions.
My heart says buy all the carmels your pocket can afford, tie them up with a string to a nice spring boquet, throw them on that porch and run like the devil is at my heels.
My mind says space. It feels forced.
My mind sees my lack luster dog mope around, but it is also knows that that that text said time and space. And my brain says respect is best.
But love isnt logical. Its the inflated red baloon in my rib cage that could burst at any second, promising to flood my room with all the tears I have found myself so unable to cry.
Love was hearing cyndi Lauper sing “true colours” and for the first time knowing EXACTLY what she meant… but now Im afraid to show it.
Sitting in my bedroom reading “the fifth sacred thing” using their pillows and wondering when the cosmos will find it fit to stop this joke-because its heavy, not funny anymore.
Im spitting blood from biting my tongue. I have so much to say- but ive deafened the ears that always listened best.
Ive found no strength in this suffering. No solace.
I miss my best friend, and requests for pokemon and snuggles. I miss waking up to the sea when they open their eyes, and suddenly being flooded with the feeling of home.
I dont even know what happened.
We were so beautiful.